Scenes I remember Part 1

In the first installment of ”scenes I remember” I want to talk about the completely over the top action romp Shoot ’em Up. While there are many memorable scenes in this fast paced madness there is one that has really stuck in my mind.

Why is this a scene to remember I hear you ask. Well I tell you. I movies like this you rarely see the result of a wild shoot out. Take the action fest Commando as an example. Go though the movie in front of your inner eye and picture the scene where he storms the mansion and barracks. He kills loads of people but not one time do we get to see a birds eye view of the battlefield. The camera keeps us close to Arnold and strings together scene after scene. There scenes could be placed in any order since we never get to see the result of the last one.

But in Shoot ‘em up it’s in your face. The scene that precedes the clip there was a skydiving action scene so the people lying around is the result. In its grimness it shows the absurd situation by showing the sheer number of people he killed. In Commando it would have been great to see the front lawn where thirty people would lay around dead just to get a feel of the magnitude of the task Arnold has set out to do.

This scene has been splattered all over my memory and deserves a mention in the halls of action movies.

How's this for a video?

Ok, this is the video for Front Line Assembly’s song Epitaph:

"Manhattan island 2001. A drug addict is beaten by her dealer and is forced to deliver a parcel to a certain address within forty minutes. She falls asleep on the tube and a retarded man steals the parcel. Here follows a sequence where the stoned girl stumbles after the limping mongoloid before finally sinking to the ground sobbing. The retard then approaches her and opens the parcel forcing a glowing globe into the half unconscious girl’s mouth. She then wakes up, now dressed in regular clothes, at the train station and sees her train boarding."

How’s that for a story? And I thought mongoloid people only appeared in Aphex Twin videos. But it is the same kind of music so it might be something with the genre. What could be the message behind this quirky video? The meek leading the blind perhaps? The retarded man obviously rescue here from life on the street so why not. This could be a glimpse of a future where Lars Von Trier has given up dogme and started digging into the commercial market.

The only think I can be certain of is that there will be quite some time before I see a video with a retarded hero again.

The return of the arcade?

I Stumbled over this a few days ago.

"[Cecropia is] making a coin-op game about emotion, controlled by the earliest of videogame input devices, a single knob. They call their game a filmgame."

The idea of merging the cartoon world with computer games is not new at all. On top of my head a dozen titles pop up. Leisure suit Larry, Sam & Max, Day of the tentacle, Dragon’s lair. In fact, back in the days when I started doing computers (yes it’s a drug) these kind of games where everywhere. The 2D graphic and quirky stories must been why I fell in love with computer games in the first place (that and Samantha Fox strip poker on commodore 64 of course).

So the revolutionary thing about this story is about the return of the cartoon games? The answer is no even though this is indeed a fabulous thing. The key words here are instead Arcade and Single knob. Bringing this kind of game to a platform that traditionally has been reserved for car and fighting games is both interesting and very bold. How will it be received? This is a first step toward the interactive movie set in a public place.

“Players have to correctly read and control the visual personality cues in the animated characters in order to move to the next level of the game. The control system for The Act is a very simple and easy to use dial”

Apparently the dial is an analogue stick that you at given points use to tell the game just how funny you are or how meek you should be. I for one would line up at the bar to drop a few coins in this experiment.

Watch the trailer here

Two thumbs down

A few months back I wrote a blog in defense of German director Uwe Boll and the constant barrage of hateful criticism that he is showered with daily. Well, it seems that he didn’t need my protection after all. He has taken matters into his own hands, or should I say gloves, and has challenged the critics to settle it once and for all in the ring. A ten round boxing match should shut most critics up – They are computer nerds after all. Several critics have published open letters accepting the challenge. Here is one of those letters

It may sound rash but Uwe says it’s more for fun that anything else. It's five matches total and they will be filmed. The final result will be used in his latest master piece Seed. Ohh the irony. The very critics who despise him will actually be in one of his movies.

Here’s a clip from one of the matches. This time it’s Dr Boll’s turn to vent some of his anger over the injustices that have been brought upon him by the internet community.

That’s what I call two thumbs down!

The Chris Isaak vs. Paris Hilton case

The summer is officially over for me which means more free time. Free time to ponder the media world around me that is.

For all you people who have spent the summer under a rock it may come as a surprise that the hotel heiress and Guinness book girl Paris Hilton have released a video to her UB40 inspired song Stars are blind.

The video is directed by Chris Applebaum who is a force to be reckoned with within the music video community. So what has this to do with Chris Isaak I hear you ask? Well, I’ll tell you. The question is how much can you borrow before your creation turns from being an homage to being a rip off? Your honor, the prosecution here by presents their evidence in the Issak vs. Hilton case.

Evidence A:



Even if the Hilton image is much clearer here the moving images with the rolling wave is strikingly similar. Some might say that a nice surf wave like that can be found in many summer inspired videos. But your honor, this in only the first of many images that share similarities with my client’s acclaimed video Wicked games.

Evidence B:



Indeed many people have made out at palm trees such as these your Honor. But take a look at the evidence submitted. It would be hard pressed to say that it is mere coincidence that Paris tries to look seductive while grinding herself aginst a palm tree in the same manner as Ms Christiansen did all those year ago.

Evidence C:



Playing in the surf and making out as the water splash around you is an every day occurrence if you listen to the Defense your Honor. But doing it in grainy but stylish black and white just as my client did is pushing it.

The black and white style and the three different themes constitute a breach of integrity on my client’s side. All my client wants is a public confession your Honor. In the world today the kids have no sense of history. They think Limp Bizkit really came up with their hit Behind blue eyes and in the light of that my client want some recognition that it was him, not the factory made pop princess Paris, who came first.

This gives a new and frightening meaning to the old expression Guilty by association.

One of those movie reviews

This is another one of those assignments I took from this blog. Sometimes you need someone to kick you in the ass to get anything done at all. Let this be a lesson to you all.


Clerks 2: With no power comes no responsibility

Twelve years ago Dante and Randal worked at a Quick Stop Convenient Store peddling cigarettes and other indispensable items to the uninterested public. The tag line then was “Just because they serve you doesn’t mean they like you”. It was just two guys working a dead end job while they tried to figure out what they were supposed to do with their life.

Now over ten years later something radical happens to the dynamic duo. Something that will irrevocably change their life forever – the Quick Stop burns to the ground. That leaves them no other choice than move on to another dead end job at Mooby’s. In the real world Mooby’s would have been called Mc Donald complete with the bright colors and the deceptive family themed meals.

Just as the first installment it all takes place in the space of one day. Dante is getting married and is moving to florida with his wife to be, who by the way have a really big clit. To mark the momentous event Randal decides to throw a going away party. Trust me when I say it is going to a day to remember.

The first Clerks were director Kevin Smith’s directorial debut all shot in black and white to save money. It was a dialogue driven story that mixed existential thoughts about growing up with long monologues revolving around subjects such as hermaphrodite porn and Star Wars. The second movie uses the same mix of raunchy language and spot on thoughts about being thirty. The movie really is about taking the final step from boyhood to adulthood. About doing it your way and not the way everyone else want you to. I could not help but smile with a mix of repulsion and recognition as I watched it.

You either love it or you don’t. Either way it is a sweet little tale about two thirty something’s finally growing up... Ohh, that and interspecies erotica.

Vacation time

If there is anyone actually reading my ramblings you might have noticed that is was quite some time since my last entry. That is because I'm out of the country working. I will be back in august and hopefully I will have some more observations to share with you.

Have a great summer everyone

History repeating it self

We have known for years that history is repeating itself over and over again. We see it in many parts of our society. Lately I have started to notice another iteration, this time from within the computer gaming society.

Serials

No not in the modern sense of the word. Today the market is flooded with sequels, a safe bet for the starving gaming houses. Can’t blame them thou, fresh ideas doesn’t pay the rent (less a three year development cycle).

Back in the days (read 100 years ago) the cinema was somewhat different from what we experience today. Back then movies came on smaller reels and in the transition between shorter films and the feature films a genre called serials became very popular. One of the earliest and more popular was the adventures of Kathryn (1913). A side note to that particular serial is that it introduced the term ‘cliffhanger’ for the first time. It was called a serials because they required you to comeback at a later date to see the next installment. The show often carried a story line that spanned over all its episodes much like tv-shows today.

If you are at least a little bit interested in what is happening in the computer gaming scene you can see where this is going. For all you others I’ll try to explain what I mean.

Today more than ever game developers have realized the full distribution potential of the internet. In the fore front of this is Valve, a company that has given us titles such as Half life, Half life 2 and Counter strike. With their distribution system, steam, they deliver games for download. Here they not only promote their own episodic saga of the physicist Gordon Freeman but other games as well. There is a new game called SiN that copies the serials concept from the early twentieth century to the letter. They release an episode that ends in a cliffhanger and then put out another episode continuing the story line.

This of course is just as a brilliant market strategy just as it was back then. By creating parts of the game one episode at the time they can, both ensure that the gamers will come back for more and can adjust the future product to accommodate the market demands.

This further strengthens my theory that the gaming industry is the movie industry’s kid brother. Just as computer games have borrowed narrative inspiration from their silver screen elders they have now borrowed the market thinking as well. It is indeed interesting times.

Inherited fame

"Comics are one step in the digestive process of Hollywood eating
itself"
- Allan Moore, writer

Allan More, creator of many brilliant comics adapted for the silver screen, is tired of Hollywood buying comic properties and then completely remakes them into its usual watered out entertainment destroying every single piece of artistic merit the comic ever had. With a track record like him I understand that he has turned his back to tinseltown. So far they have made three movies based on his creations and for the last one, V for vendetta, he even removed his name completely even refusing to receive revenue from the movie.

Mr Moore is one of the few that has voiced his fears over that comics have become a “pumpkin patch for the studios to come picking”. I for one agree with him. The moving image is a powerful medium that today consume everything it touches. Many of the movies that are being made today are based on books, plays, computer games and comics. I would dare to say that only rarely is the movie as good as its original creation. Even if the movie is as good as the original it immediately has inherited its predecessor’s fame. How many comics can you mention that has been made into a movie? After X-men, Spider man, Super man and Hulk it’s getting harder.

Did you know that the movies From Hell, Road to perdition and A history of violence are all based on comics? Don’t feel bad, not many people know this and this is never brought to people’s attention. Most people will never know that there is a visual world out there that you can take with you almost everywhere and that rival many movies you will see at the cinema. Instead Hollywood receives cred for something someone else has created; this is what I mean with inherited fame.

So when you go to the movies next time pay attention to where the story came from. Sometimes it says based on the book by, or the author has co credit as producer or writer, You will be surprised how many movies that are made today has borrowed their stories from books and comics.

Only in America

Gamespy is my premium source of gaming news. they just ran an article on a new bill that the state of Virginia has submitted for review. Let's make the warning signs on the boxes bigger. The bill states that the warning sign must be printed on the front cover of the box and be at least 3 inches wide. Like people didn't know before. It's not like the rating in hidden in it's current incarnation.

"Grand theft auto III is M rated? I had no idea."
- Surprised minor

This reminds me of a stand up routine comedian Dennis Leary did a few years back. He rideculed a bill that wanted to make the warning signs on the cigarette packs bigger and more dangerously looking. A great skit from his album No cure for cancer.

I wonder what they will come up with next?

I’m looking at commercials for all the wrong reasons

When I see an ad in my film magazine or zap past a commercial when I by accident turn on the television I can’t help myself. I need to stop and watch what is displayed in front of my eyes. Has that ever happened to you? That compulsive behavior to study the images to see how they have lit that skinny model to make her look so healthy or how they have structured the commercial for the new brand of soft drinks they need you to start drinking this instant. How interesting is it to ponder what direction jeans commercials have taken content vise? Just be glad my brain isn’t the yard stick of civilization.

I know, sometimes I think I’m broken for real and not just acting.

So what does democracy have to do with making movies?

It’s often said that when the domestic video camera arrived in the eighties it democratized the movies. Many (ok, many might be a big word but a few at least) have asked me what I mean when I say this and let me begin with asking you a question. What is the most powerful medium of communication today? When you have answered this question out loud answer this next one. Before the age of domestic video cameras who could afford to make a movie? Well, not too many I would dare to say. The technology was both very expensive and complicated to use before someone realized that everything could be made on a piece of magnetic tape instead of using expensive chemicals.

‘So where are you going with this’ I hear some of you say. To be able to express yourself in one of the most powerful mediums currently available is democracy to me. Today everyone can grab a camcorder and record what ever they want. When I was young people wrote articles in the local paper when they wanted to express their opinions to a wider audience that the gathering around the kitchen table. Today there are local film festivals in most towns where young people can show what they have created. It’s everything from zombie splatter to documentaries about domestic violence. It’s a voice of the younger generation who has grown up with TV as the prime medium for expressing opinions not the printed word our parents lived by. Michael Moore or Morgan Spurlock are just the tip of the iceberg empowering a whole generation itching to get their voice heard.

I remembered reading that famed director Robert Altman actually made his TV series Tanner on Tanner with that idea in mind.

“That‘s what my, what our series is about. It is about this glut. That anybody with a $1,500 camera can become a documentary filmmaker. They can worry about what they‘re going to put on that camera but any kid who has one, they can edit it on their own computer.”
- Robert Altman interviewed on MSNBC (http://msnbc.msn.com/id/6232178/)

The down side of it is that since everyone can contribute the sheer volume of crappy material that threatens to drown the really good material but that is a risk we have to take considering what’s at stake… Not sure what I wanted to say with this but I felt it was important to rant about it.

In defence of Uwe boll

” That's what the internet is for. Slandering others anonymously. Stopping the flick isn't gonna stop that.” – Banky Edwards, Jay and silent Bob strikes back

“The Internet has given everybody in America a voice. For some reason, everybody decides to use that voice to bitch about movies” – Holden McNeil, Jay and Silent Bob strikes back

These quotes brilliantly illustrate how the internet works today. Without risk of retaliation you can take out your frustration and envy on people you see on TV. One person who has been a target for this cruel hate campaign is German director Uwe Boll. He is not particularly famous or good. He’s is one of those directors that produce ok movies for a Friday evening. He has been singled out by the slandering movie community as someone who should be shot and hanged because he chooses to do movies. It’s sad to see how immature and envious persons decide to hate one person beyond reason.

“it's the fact that he earns millions even though his films flop. this is millions that could be spent of cancer resarch, foster care & helping people. Fawk Uwe Boll. i hate his guy more than anyone else in the film industry.” - Big_Hughezy, IMDB

A brilliant quote from the archives of IMDB. So a crappy movie like Revenge of the Sith that made hundred if not thousand times more money must be even worse for those who try to save the world. Atleast by this slightly immature argument. Like people would have given the bucks away to charity if they hadn’t gone to see House of the dead? I can see the discussion in my head.

MATT
So what should we do dude?

BEN
I don’t know, I have seven bucks.

MATT
I heard that Oxfam is having a fund raiser at the mall.

BEN
Well I don’t know, I promised LISA that I would take her to see Blodrayne tonight.

MATT
Yeah, like people isn’t gonna starve tomorrow. I’l go with you dude

That is a scenario happening right now... Yeah right

“Hitler truely had nothing on this guy. Boll dosen't need gas chambers, he just needs a camera!” – Martinshepherd, IMDB

Then what can we compare Joel Schumacher’s batman and Robin with? It’s the Oppenheimer of movies and no one threatened Joel Schumacher with a fate worse than a fate worse than dead.

I just want to show my support for Uwe Boll who has suffered because he did what we all have wet dreams about at night… making our own movies... No not those kind.

Go Uwe, go!!!

Word of the day : Connotation

The blogger Informant posted a piece about how Damon Wayans had tried to buy the copyright for the word ‘Nigga’.

The comments that followed brought up the subject of how word could be used in another context and by that alter its meaning. If Wayans claimed the word and it appeared on clothing etc we would all change perception of it.

This could be true to an extent but I would say that it wouldn’t change too much. I dare to say that it is not the word it self that carries meaning but the context which it is presented. The word has several connotations and each of them are invoked in different situations. The word ‘Nigga’ at a clan meeting is a derogatory term but in a black community it could show affection or a common bond.

The word it self is interesting from a movie point of view. In Quentin Tarantino’s piece Jackie Brown the word appears so many times that the newspapers felt the need to comment on it. In fact the word appear in almost every movie he made and depending on the scene it connotates different things. For example in Reservoir dog Mr Pink telling Mr. Blonde and Mr. White that they are 'acting like a bunch of niggers.' That is clearly negative term but most of the times the word is used between characters who respect each other.

Of course not everyone liked Quentin for this excessive use of the N-word. Spike Lee for example spoke out against this. My point is that the word it self is charged with meaning but in different situations it will mean different things. So by associate it with a clothing line or a celebrity we simply add one more meaning but not remove another.

The strategy of trying to associate a thing with a feeling is something that the advertisement industry knows everything about. This is common strategy when trying to sell products, just as Wayans want to buy the powerful word ‘Nigga’ to associate to his own brand.

So the word Connotation means that something represents another thing. A picture of a hospital connotates injury or perhaps sickness so it is the meanings we read into what we see that is the connotation. The opposite is Denotation which is what we see. The hospital is exactly what it is, a big house without associations.

Ohh the irony

Just the thought of Indian director T Rajeevnath approaching Paris Hilton to play Mother Theresa brings a smile to my face (read a notice of it here). Just as placing Britney Spears in the role of a conservative right wing Christian in a Will & Grace episode. While the Paris thing has passed rather unnoticed the Britney episode brought some unwanted attention to NBC (read some here)

This illustrates the increasing blur between fictional characters and the celebrity persona behind them. As the media and the celebrities become more and more intimately connected this problem arise due to the dualistic nature of their relationship. One day a celebrity makes front page news because of a sordid scandal and the next day you see the same face playing a timid character in the drama you choose to see at the local multiplex.

Today we see a media industry that feeds of the celebrity culture. It’s not an easy task to avoid these tabloids even if you make a conscious effort. The media landscape is so saturated with this iconoclasm that the supposed line is so blurred that no one can see it anymore; Your name is also your brand (more on that some other time).

With this image of the media fresh in mind it’s not hard to understand why people react to Britney playing a Christian talk show host or to Paris Hilton playing the saint Mother Teresa. Today people can’t see past the tabloid image of any of these girls and they see the personas not the roles they play. This is not a new phenomenon but in recent years I feel that this problem has grown out of proportions.

One could argue that this happens to any actor/actress that is caught up in the media circus. Take Ben Affleck for example. His association with J lo made his career sky rocket but ultimately also was his downfall. He became famous for being married to Lopez. This made his face famous and by implication also more worth in the eyes of the Hollywood studios. He then received roles that he ultimately could not do honour and therefore fell from grace.

This teaches us that fame is deadly because in the end you need to prove your worth. Wow that conclusion was pretty far from where I started this blog wasn’t it? Remind me to tell you all why I love the word Connotation soo much...

Living in a fantasy (take two)

I think the technological advancement is the single most important factor in the recent success of fantasy films. Fantasy as a genre has always been popular (see my other article about this) but the technical aspects of the special effects have been limited to more primitive ways of creating the illusion of another reality. So even if Willow or Conan were well received films there simply wasn’t a way to recreate a book like Lord of the rings or Narnia. There was an attempt to make Lord of the rings back in 1978 but it failed even to gather the smallest of audiences before fading into history.

It seems to me that most people think that the pressure of living in today’s society is the single most important factor in the success of films such as Lord of the rings. If this is true most movies where we are transported to another world would be popular today because of the need for escapism. I find that the recent success of the documentary contradict this argument. If we wanted to escape reality we wouldn’t go to the cinema to watch a documentary about war or other wrong doings would we?

So why didn’t more directors make fantasy movies in the eighties when they knew that those movies made a healthy amount of money? Could it be the difficulty of converting the penned reality into a visceral experience? How would one create fabled monsters or mass battles with thousand participants? One simple answer could be that the stories people wanted to adopt were too complicated visually.

Today the special effects are so complex that it is hard to distinguish between our reality and the recreated one. This is a powerful tool for directors to use when they want to immerse their viewers. It was simply not possible to realise the books of our favourite authors ten years ago so we had to wait until now to be able to recreate the image in peoples mind on the silver screen.

The price of fame

Above is a picture of a Swedish artist named Marie Serneholt. She was once part of a pop group called A-teens (left image) but now she has gone solo (right image). Gone are the healthy looking girl I used to like and now all we see is a reality show contestant look alike with more in common with Mrs Beckham than with her old self. So what happened? Could it be the PR department of SMI records where she resides who decided that she was to change her image to that of a blonde bimbo?

A-teens have always been a healthy looking band with a younger target audience. When I survey the bands with similar audiences I find that most of them focus on the having fun, looking healthy aspect instead of the sexy and erotic aspects of their image. Examples like Spice girls, early Britney Spears and Aguilera comes to mind. When the artists then need to focus on a more mature audience out goes the wholesome image and in comes the highly pornographic image bent on selling copies with sex instead of the actual music. This pattern can be seen in both Britney and Aguilera’s case as in many others.

It's sad to see that the record companies no longer have faith in the music they put out but feel the need to wrap it in eroticism to sell. It's a clinical view where the music has become a product much like a perfume or a pair of sneakers. No longer is music a creative way of expressing one self, it’s a product created in the labs of our record companies and spread to us through commercial channels like MTV much like a shopping network try to sell the latest Ab-flex.

Today almost anyone can be a star the question is really how much of your personal integrity you are prepared to sacrifice.

Living in a fantasy

This post is inspired by an assignment posted on this blog. It felt just right talking about a supposed trend within the movie industry. Give my two cent so to speak.

As a kid I remember watching movies like Conan and Willow with big wondrous eyes. Even with the stop motion and simple animatronics used in those days they spellbound me. Stories of lands far away where big Austrians with even bigger swords and furry briefs fought evil men. But was I alone in liking what I saw? Were the fantasy genre really a fringe genre only including the Dungeon and dragon geeks?

It’s easy to think that fantasy was a genre on the fringe of Hollywood but with names like Max von Sydow, James Earl Jones, Val Kilmer and Kevin Pollack the genre competed with other contemporary films in gross sales. If you read the gross estimate on imdb.com you see that Conan did well cashing in around 39 million dollars while movies like Blade runner did far less ending on around 26 million dollars and the always prestigious Woody Allen’s film A midsummer night’s sex comedy only grossed 9 Million at the box office. In 1988 Willow grossed around 57 million while Dangerous Liaisons only grossed 34 millions even with names such as Glenn Close, John Malkovich, Michelle Pfeifer, Uma Thurman and a young Keanu reeves.

So while the genre is incredibly popular today I dare to say that it has never been on the fringe. The stories are accessible to people of all ages disregarding previous knowledge and experience. Since no one has been to the fantastic worlds depicted on screen the suspension of disbelief is closer at hand that say Armageddon when everyone knows (or think they know) that it’s harder to fly in space that drilling for oil.

It might not have answered the question ‘why fantasy is so popular today’ but I think it countered the 'on the fringe' statement with satisfaction.

Hollywood in a gay frenzy

2003 Hollywood wasn't ready for John Singleton's seminal take on the gayness of the macho culture. His film, the sizzling 2 fast 2 furious, starred the handsome Paul Walker as an undercover cop infiltrating the male world of street racing. What could be manlier than fast cars and broad chests? But instead of being showered with praise and awards he was ridiculed for what essentially would be a mile stone in Hollywood history. The question is if we would have Brokeback mountain if Singleton hadn’t laid the foundation.

Instead we had to wait until 2005 and Ang Lee’s Brokeback Mountain before the gay frenzy would hit tinsel town. In Ang Lee’s movie we explore another bastion of maleness, the Marlboro man and his lonely life on the prairie. Ever since we were old enough to understand the concept of macho there have always been jokes about what happens in the showers of our favourite hockey team or how the fire men make the time pass before they have to descend the pole for another sweaty encounter. So in reality Ang hasn’t really done something to help the gay community. Instead he has chosen to explore the male stereotypes and their thinly veiled homosexuality just as the teenagers laugh about the prospect of Peter Forsberg soaping up another player in the shower.

Stereotypes or not Hollywood has jumped the bandwagon and I would bet that every script writer in Hollywood is thinking hard how to create the next gay John McClane at the moment. Rumour has it that even Brad Pitt wants to be gay so there is always the possibility of a homosexual fight club or some hard vampire action to look forward to.

In the past gay people have been confined to roles such as serial killers or hair dressers but now Hollywood is open to those who dare to further strengthen the prejudice concerning macho culture and its hidden world of gay love. this might be a good time for Dolph Lundgren to make a comeback.

Who is responsible?

As we speak Hell is on its way of creating another circle in its ever open hotel of damned souls. A circle dedicated to companies that sell ring tones to the modern (damned) consumer. I can't understand the need to change ring tone every other week for the next "hot" MTV song. As if I didn't hear Beyonce enough every time I turn on the TV. Now I must hear her songs on the buss, in the grocery store, in the ticket line to my favourite cinema, in the restaurant where I try to enjoy a good meal and even in the library. The Devil has found a way to desecrate every last sanctum known to man with the choir of "I’m so unique" ring tones spreading the commercial gospel of the record companies.

So all of you who dance to the pipes of Jamba and other such peddlers of cellular porn mark my words you will all burn in hell for your heinous acts of treachery against mankind. And in Hell there are no polyphonic ring tones… Oh the sweet sound of thousands of damned souls drowned in the cacophony of Nokia 5110 ring tones.